A Study in Virgins, or Why Am I Still Single?

Short answer: because I'm overweight. Sometimes I'm sloppy, awkward, and my drawers have a nasty habit of falling down. This is why I'm single.

Would I change any of this if I had to? Probably not.

Being sloppy shows you're human. Think about people that you interact with on a daily basis, they all have flaws. Maddie pointed out a great truth in her post about being a Camp Counselor. I believe one of her posts was "You've done something that would make other people vomit."(link: http://tbirdswindowsill.blogspot.com/2012/07/top-50-you-know-youre-waycross.html ) I certainly hope I haven't been that extreme, but I suppose it's possible. Having flaws means that you're not fake, it means you have a third dimension. All of those flaws mean that you've lived. Everything that makes you you is in your flaws.

Let's talk about awkward, because there are varying degrees. For instance, I don't know if this has happened to anyone else, but after a particularly nice night, I was asked if I was 'clean'. Alright, yes, I am. No need for further questions. However, the next day this particular offender calls me up to ask (again) if I am indeed pure and holy. This is a ten on the awkward scale. Don't be this guy, you will never have friends. My particular brand of awkward is more refined, like lemon flavored jello as opposed to orange. Don't tell me you've ever seen anyone classy eating orange jello, you're a liar. However, lemon flavored jello is usually intermixed with classy things such as lemon meringue pie. I expect Audrey Hepburn ate a slice of lemon meringue pie in her day. This is my brand of awkward. Refined. Just crazy enough to be funny but also kind of sour. Still off putting, especially when you see that French Silk Pie next to the slice of Lemon Meringue.

Ah, yes, my drawers. It's not on purpose, I swear. Audrey Hepburn didn't have this problem, she didn't wear drawers. In fact, I don't even think that Rosie the Riveter wore drawers by themselves. She had a cute denim coverall. If you have one, wear that thing, it's awesome. Back to my particular set of black skinnies that can't seem to stay up: It's because I've stretched them out.

These three reasons are why I'm single, but you know what? I'd totally buy a smaller pair of jeans. That is all.